Smacked in the 'i'.

"Gimme the largest cappuccino!" I ask, refusing to say aloud the pretentious name it has been graced with. I was inclined to say, "Uno capaccino, venti por favor,"  but  that's not Italian and I MUST resist the temptation of going over the top. Give me under the bottom any day! (OMG, I've done it again!)

I wouldn't say I never come to one of these fancy coffee shops. Indeed, I had bought for me, one of these frothy things, in the original Starbucks in Pike Place Market, Seattle. Frankly, I think the Taj Mahal ranks higher. I rarely indulge, but that's not Starbucks fault. I'm just not a coffee drinker, and the tea here doesn't suit me. I suspect the water's not hot enough. 

I am here because my husband has the car to take Fr Brian to the station for the 1240 to London Paddington, and the most convenient bus (the one that picks me up and drops me off from outside my home - the 678 Gloucester To Newent Community Bus) leaves at 0718. As a consequence, I have 90 minutes to fill before the Salvation Army opens its doors to the Lunch Volunteers. 

So I am here with a bucket-full of coffee, free wifi, and a copy of the 'i'. (A comic-sized version of the left-leaning newspaper, ' The Independent'. )So given that I am about to immerse myself in the lives of our underclass, here's what hits me in the 'I'.

Ministers to scrap 'crucial safety net' for vulnerable families.

Wow! I thought our government, wedded as it is the empowerment and enrichment of the overclass, would have seen that off long ago! Way to go LibDems!!! 

Mother: Please help my son on Death Row

Come on USA! Join the civilised nations! 

'Prosecute blue-chip firms that spy on us'

I'm sorry? This isn't news. Blue-chip firms obviously never do anything illegal. They have lawyers who will prove this, as eny fule no.

Swearing fans delay screening of match

Bloody Hell!

Last Sound of Music family member dies

So long, Farewell, Auf Wiedersen, Goodbye...

Undecideds edge towards keeping Union after warning over pound

PLEASE stick with us Scotland. Without you, the Tories have us for ever. Or WORSE, UKIP. God help us.

Cavalli stops dressing actresses for red carpet.

Oh Lord! This means I shall have to go naked to the Oscars!

I am laughing so much, I am in danger of attracting attention. And before I alienate any more of my readership, I'd better stop right there.

If you have enjoyed reading this, buy a Big Issue at the next opportunity. Please. 

(Or even if you haven't! ;)