What do you make of people with high self-esteem?
Not much, would be my reply, if the same self-esteem is founded on chasing 'worth' at the expense of others. Hey! I want you to know, that's not for me. And I thought I was being stupid! Who wouldn't want to feel great about themselves all the time?
Then I completed a course: 'The Science of Happiness' and learned a better way.
Cultivate self-compassion.
I am a puny, inconsequential, half-hearted, grumpy, selfish, foolish woman. Because I'm human. You know what? It doesn't matter. I am also capable of great love and fantastic acts of kindness ((And so are you!) Because I'm human. That matters.
For your children's sake, teach self-compassion. Show them how to love themselves as they love their neighbour. (We are universally more generous with others, than with ourselves.)
"At grandma's house, it's OK to win, but it's MUCH more important to be kind."
What you teach your children is who they become. Be kind. Firstly, to yourself.
If you are haunted by the inner critic who keeps telling you how awful you are, and I find this entity extremely destructive of my "self-esteem", try this:
"Freeing yourself from the Inner Critic " by Mark Coleman
www.dharmaseed.org/teacher/115/talk/25432/
PS Google 'self compassion' for more than I can write here.
I made the kids write notes to themselves at book club today, and I told them that it had to be kind. They wanted to know why. I told them that people would say terrible things to them -- that's just a fact of life -- so take some time to say kind words tot themselves so they can have them.
ReplyDeleteA truly important practice!
ReplyDeleteI love this - reminding us all that self-compassion doesn't mean arrogance or self-indulgence.
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