I am sitting up in bed just hanging out with my iPad and thinking about things. Tons of things. My irreverent and, frankly, unruly, mind has been all over the place: the Big Bang, (awe) and my newest grandson (wonder) DNA, in-laws, out-laws ... There's no stopping it.
I went to church yesterday, and this coming together with people I don't all know very well, to take part in a sacrament that I barely understand, just about sums up my existence.
I am struggling to find words already spoken by that great American poet, Walt Whitman:
"I am grateful for what I am
It is surprising how contented one can be with nothing definite
...
My wealth is enjoyment of being."
Sixty and more years is as long as it took me to realise that there isn't much worth investing time and energy in, especially if the investment in same robs me of that 'enjoyment of being'. Family, certainly. In the most basic sense my children, and theirs, are reason enough to be, here, now; friends; the ability and constitution to bring love and compassion into being ... . Not a lot else matters much.
I look back on other paradigms; church, work, education, social networks, with a benign fondness, but now they're going away, I don't mind too much, though I'm grateful for the means these offered, to be here, on a Monday morning, messing about with my iPad ...
I guess this is the necessary work of growing old ... To watch out for what really matters, and let the rest go: a rehearsal for the Grand Departure, which, to assure my daughters who read this, won't be AT LEAST until I'm 106 ... :)
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I was watching the Imitation Game last night which had a similar (though different) moment: all falls away and Turing realizes that he could do without people but he couldn't do without his machine -- his computer. That it was his true love, and he opted to take the drugs that destroyed him over the idea of losing his machine. I think we all come to a moment where we realize what we love deeply and that the rest is just noise.
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