Credo

My inner- writer will give me no rest until I do this. That is, write a Statement of Faith. 

This is SO HARD. What possible purpose would it serve? Who knows or cares? 

I'm time-wasting, because as of this very moment, I have no idea what I'm going to say. So it's down to my subconscious to bail me out again: I shall take this opportunity to give my Right Brain the reins, and let rip: 

I know that the Cosmos of which I am a speck, is more than 99% void. I look upon the void with wonder. I wonder  that I am matter, and I wonder that I am conscious. Life is of inestimable value, conscious life even more so. I, you, everyone: so rare, so precious. 

There  rises from deep within me a profound gratitude for Being. This gratitude is unfocused, but real. I delight in every manifestation of life, especially in those three lives I helped to bring into Being. My children. 

I have searched and searched for meaning, and for a purpose in my life, and have not arrived at any conclusions. This is what I think today, tomorrow I shall be as happy as I am now to write something quite different.

As there are as many purposes in life as there are gurus to tell me what they are, I may as well invent my own. Like you, I will do this in accordance with my personality, my  upbringing and my circumstances. 

I discovered that ' I believe ' is too passive. So I ditched it for, I will. And maybe I will. I hope so!  Here I am: 

 I will do what brings me peace.

I will pursue happiness.

I will revel in adventure. 

I will make myself laugh, and in doing so, I hope to make others laugh too.

I will endeavour to gladden the hearts of those I meet, and I will not always succeed.

If I have to be angry at all, it will be FOR others, and not with them.

I will try always to be kind.

I will react to the suffering of others - in all it's manifestations - with compassion, and I will,when I can, do what I can to alleviate it.  

I will retreat into silence from time to time to connect with Gratitude, and give thanks for Being.

I will never forget how to play.

I will accept that this form will fade and die. Whether there is another form to come, doesn't matter: this one flawed, but perfect, life will have been enough. 

I will make every day count by continuously calling myself back to being conscious and present in every moment. 

I will remember love: that it is the most lavish and beautiful of gifts, that it never dies,  and is never wasted.

I will try to remember how flawed I am, and bring no judgement down on others. 

I will forgive myself for my imperfections, and offer the same gift to others.

And finally:

I will remind you, wherever you are, whoever you are, that you are loved. 

Number 60

Analyse yourself with ... Well, '99 Things To Do Between Here and Heaven' suggest the  Myers-Briggs personality test, but I can't find a free version - so I would recommend giving the Enneagram a go. 

There's the test and more, and more:

www.9types.com

(Caveat:http://www.9types.com/writeup/enneagram_caution.html)

What's the point? In my experience, I found that standing back and taking a good look at myself, actually trying to find out what makes me tick,  was the very beginning of a spiritual awakening. I haven't ordered my thoughts very logically, not being a Type Five, so I will present you with a jumble and let you make what you will of it.

Looking back on my pre-Enneagram days, I recognise that I was a sleep-walker, reacting to situations with varying degrees of irritation, using the superficial niceness  of the ever-helpful Type Two to manipulate people and events to my own advantage. I did this unconsciously: I thought I was being good. 

I'm not bothered by this particularly. Making the best of what's happening to us is what we all do. We just go about it in different ways. 

The crunch came when I stopped to look, and I saw what I was doing. I was gutted. I'm not going to claim any great revolution here, I am just as capable of wheedling, self-serving, manipulative behaviours now, as I was then. The difference now, is that I am aware of them. 

Awareness. Now there's a thing. Weird. I discovered within myself a different level of consciousness,  - a 'new  creation' in Christian terms. A Self that is both Myself and an otherness that silently, serenely, watches the game-playing child that wants to run my life. There is no judgement, no accusation, just a superabundance of knowing that comes with a continual up- welling of joy. 

The game-playing still goes on, it's a true part of me, but it is losing its appeal. I'm not worried about me, but really, I do make myself laugh.

First Past The Post

My selection for the Book Club this month is, '99 Things To Do Between Here and Heaven'.  A good choice for the summer as there are - well, 99  - things to do  that entail getting out of the deckchair and exploring the amazing space one inhabits. It invokes a spiritual journey as well as a short hike, though this need not spoil the enjoyment of the casual reader who merely wishes to watch a birth (21), milk a cow (16) or contribute to Wikipedia (49).

I confess I have already given up on learning New Testament Greek (15) I probably won't go skinny-dipping (74), though I WILL give dancing in the rain (96) a go, if I can be sure there's no-one about.

I suggested to the Members that we 'do' four of these 99 in advance of 26th September, and report back to the meeting on the physical and metaphysical benefits of same.

Number 26 BLOG. I'll keep you posted.