Number 60

Analyse yourself with ... Well, '99 Things To Do Between Here and Heaven' suggest the  Myers-Briggs personality test, but I can't find a free version - so I would recommend giving the Enneagram a go. 

There's the test and more, and more:

www.9types.com

(Caveat:http://www.9types.com/writeup/enneagram_caution.html)

What's the point? In my experience, I found that standing back and taking a good look at myself, actually trying to find out what makes me tick,  was the very beginning of a spiritual awakening. I haven't ordered my thoughts very logically, not being a Type Five, so I will present you with a jumble and let you make what you will of it.

Looking back on my pre-Enneagram days, I recognise that I was a sleep-walker, reacting to situations with varying degrees of irritation, using the superficial niceness  of the ever-helpful Type Two to manipulate people and events to my own advantage. I did this unconsciously: I thought I was being good. 

I'm not bothered by this particularly. Making the best of what's happening to us is what we all do. We just go about it in different ways. 

The crunch came when I stopped to look, and I saw what I was doing. I was gutted. I'm not going to claim any great revolution here, I am just as capable of wheedling, self-serving, manipulative behaviours now, as I was then. The difference now, is that I am aware of them. 

Awareness. Now there's a thing. Weird. I discovered within myself a different level of consciousness,  - a 'new  creation' in Christian terms. A Self that is both Myself and an otherness that silently, serenely, watches the game-playing child that wants to run my life. There is no judgement, no accusation, just a superabundance of knowing that comes with a continual up- welling of joy. 

The game-playing still goes on, it's a true part of me, but it is losing its appeal. I'm not worried about me, but really, I do make myself laugh.

Help!

I am a Type Two on the Enneagram, which means  I drive  others to distraction by my insistence on helping them. I warn my friends to keep their distance or, 'I will help you to death.' But what the heck, it's the day before my New Year's Resolution to be less helpful kicks in, so I'm going to help you all by telling you what you need to do to be happy.

You see I know a lot of people who aren't happy at all, and I think this is rather a shame. Whatever our destination ( or lack of one, depending on your position) after we quit this existence, there will be no more of what we have now, and really, it's all too wonderful to waste. And you do, you know. Waste it.

Every moment that you spend:

Regretting past mistakes
Wanting something you don't need and can't have
Wallowing in self-pity
Handing out pain to others
Worrying about circumstances beyond your control
Doing things that bring you no joy

Is a wasted moment. 

Don't be a villain, or a victim.  I think that's what I 'm getting at. If you can read this, you are certainly in the top ten percent of the world's population with regard to wealth. Yes, really! There are THAT many desperately impoverished people in the world. Am I now going to tell you to give it all away and become virtuously miserable? No. I'm going to tell you to start enjoying what you have. Stop a moment, frequently, and allow yourself the luxury of feeling good about yourself. For yourself. 

Stop beating yourself up about this and that. I'm sure you could be a lot better if you tried, but, believe me if you don't give yourself time to feel the pleasure of living, you aren't going to want to try.  Be glad.

The rest of what I want to say, just to be helpful, you understand, is as well said, with little effort on my behalf, in the text below: Let it help.

Kim & Alison McMillen (2001)

(Sometines, wrongly, attributed to Charlie Chaplin)

As I began to love myself I found that anguish and emotional suffering
are only warning signs that I was living against my own truth.
Today, I know, this is "AUTHENTICITY".

As I began to love myself I understood how much it can offend somebody
As I try to force my desires on this person,
even though I knew the time was not right and the person was not ready
for it,
and even though this person was me.
Today I call it "RESPECT".

As I began to love myself I stopped craving for a different life,
and I could see that everything that surrounded me was inviting me to
grow.
Today I call it "MATURITY".

As I began to love myself I understood that at any circumstance,
I am in the right place at the right time,
and everything happens at the exactly right moment.
So I could be calm.
Today I call it "SELF-CONFIDENCE".

As I began to love myself I quit stealing my own time,
and I stopped designing huge projects for the future.
Today, I only do what brings me joy and happiness, things I love to do
and that make my heart cheer, and I do them in my own way and in my own
rhythm.
Today I call it "SIMPLICITY".

As I began to love myself I freed myself of anything that is no good for
my health -
food, people, things, situations, and everything the drew me down and
away from myself.
At first I called this attitude a healthy egoism.
Today I know it is "LOVE OF ONESELF".

As I began to love myself I quit trying to always be right,
and ever since I was wrong less of the time.
Today I discovered that is "MODESTY".

As I began to love myself I refused to go on living in the past and
worry about the future.
Now, I only live for the moment, where everything is happening.
Today I live each day, day by day, and I call it "FULFILLMENT".

As I began to love myself I recognized that my mind can disturb me
and it can make me sick.
But as I connected it to my heart, my mind became a valuable ally.
Today I call this connection "WISDOM OF THE HEART".

We no longer need to fear arguments, confrontations or any kind of
problems
with ourselves or others.
Even stars collide, and out of their crashing new worlds are born.
Today I know "THAT IS LIFE"!

Source: http://khurula.blogspot.com/2009/10/charlie-chaplin.html, acess Dec 16 2009