Showing posts with label Mr Green. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Mr Green. Show all posts

Thursday, 2 April 2020

The Chimney Sweep And The Pig

My church friends are circulating funny stories to keep us smiling. Here’s mine. A bit of ‘Matson Nostalgia’ 

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Here’s my favourite story from growing up at Matson, a large Council  Estate under Robinswod Hill, in Gloucester. It’s at least 90% true!

Mr Green, the chimney sweep lived at No 1Beacon Rd , his work was seasonal, and on at least one occasion,  extraordinary measures had to be taken  to feed his family. 

My father was a Special Constable for many years, and this is the story of his encounter with Mr Green and Farmer Peacey’s pig. 

One day, probably in early Spring, when fires were still in the grates, the local Bobby on the Beat called for my dad on his way to Peacey’s farm, to investigate the theft of a pig.

It did not take the resources of the forensics department - were there such a body back in 1957 - to piece together the crime scene, and apprehend the perpetrator, because Mr Green had inadvertently left his spectacle  case, with his name and address neatly printed inside, on the spot formerly occupied by the pig. 

It was a short walk from the farm to No 1Beacon Rd, and as the two officers of the law approached the door of the house, it was evident from the dying screech of the victim, and the general uproar, that for Mr Green, the game was well and truly UP. 

The door was eventually opened by a very small Green, who like the rest of the crime scene, was liberally splattered with blood.

(A pig, my father discovered, does not shuffle off this mortal coil without putting up a fight. )

Before the hapless sweep could get himself any deeper into hot water, my father remarked,

“Stan, that ‘ould better be a pig lying on your kitchen table, or you’re in SERIOUS trouble.” 

! !

Stay safe, everyone! 

Mary

Sunday, 6 January 2019

The Chimney-Sweep And The Pig

As part of my New Year Makeover, I'm going to devote more time to one of my passions: story-telling. 

So there! It's out, and I have  done something about it!  I've enrolled in a course: "Storytelling For Social Change."  It's available from the University of Michigan, for free, on the EdX platform. 

Storytelling For Social Change

"I Daniel Blake' a BAFTA-winning film about the use of  'social murder'  * as state policy, aired on the BBC last night, so this course couldn't be more timely.  This amazing exemplar of it's genre has been dismissed as, "A work of fiction by a socialist director .. " by every right-wing politician with a Twitter account. Laughable. As if they'd never wept through,"Schindler's List"! 

Here's my first, 'Assignment' "To tell a story from your own experience in 250 words or less ..." 

The Tale of The Chimney-Sweep And The Pig

My Dad was a Special Constable. (Community Police Volunteer) This is way back in the 1960's and I am ten. Even the regular policemen ride bicycles to patrol the estate where I lived, it was THAT long ago.


This particular Saturday, my dad was called to Farmer Peacey's pig sty. One of his pigs was missing. It was not going to be too difficult to apprehend the villain, because he'd left his spectacle case behind - I imagine it had dropped out of the thief's pocket in the tussle with the pig. 

So Dad and Fred walk up to the Green's house -the one on the corner of Beacon Road.

Yards away, you can hear that pig squeal, and it was, by all accounts leading the Greens a merry dance.

Fred knocks on the door. Something of a hush falls on the place. Fred knocks again. 
Slowly the door opens and a small frightened face peers, wide-eyed, through the smallest gap. 

"You'd better  let us in, Betty." My dad says, not unkindly. 

Betty nods, and opens the door to reveal a scene of the utmost carnage. Mr Green was a competent chimney sweep, but a pig-sticker, he was not. The drab hallway was festooned with high arcs of rapidly drying blood. As was a flustered Mr Green.

Dad holds out the glasses case, and hands it over. 

"Lionel," he says, "That'd better be the remains of a pig lying on your kitchen table, or you're in real trouble ... " 

There will be more. I'll keep you posted. 

*
Austerity is, 'social murder'