Usually, I am fairly upbeat. I have an amazingly contented life - I really do. Enough of everything, a fantastic family, and some wonderful friends - so much to feel good about.
Today, I am allowing myself the luxury of reflection, and I am rather disappointed with myself.
It started with a spat with a friend over our differing political perspectives. I climbed on my high horse and ... Well, it hardly matters. In a measured response, my friend suggested that we, both moderates, have failed as citizens by leaving the arena and allowing bigotry to dominate public debate.
Yes, but. I don't want to. I read the views of extremists with distaste. Furthermore, I can see that any attempt to put forward a moderate opinion is greeted with, at the very least, derision. Politicians don't help, the polarisation of debate makes our Parliament painful to watch.
We know this, it hardly needs reiteration. The question is ... Is there anything I can do about it?
Three days later...
One of my favourite manoeuvres to write my way out of a block is to write a list:
(With bullet points)
# I joined a comment site in order to inject a little reason. (Guardian cif 'Belief') In three years I commented three times. I was trying to join in a game with the big boys. I got knocked over and I went home. Moderation just isn't as sexy as rage.
# I try to do good works. Sometimes I succeed. At least in making myself feel good.
# I go to church, and say some pretty hot prayers. And I meditate, at least once a month, whether I need to or....
# I try to be helpful, I aim to be kind, I place a premium on compassion and sometimes I get away with fooling people into thinking that this is WHO I REALLY AM.
WOW! That got me over the hump. But the bottom line is, 'who I really am ' is complacent, self-serving
and cowardly. I'm not worried by that, particularly. I get by. I'm probably too old to change... :)
'So,' I tell myself, 'Let's have a look at what you can do to be a bit more authentic.'
(Talking to myself reminds me that I exist. Sometimes, this is important, I find.)
Pause for thought,,,,