Monday, 9 September 2013


Since becoming Enlightened, I Practice daily (or when I feel like it - an entirely different timescale) a form of meditation known as 'Contemplative Prayer'.  I stop thinking for twenty minutes, and allow my consciousness to explore the universe without me. I am assured by every guru, and medical science, that my Practice is good for me. It lowers my blood pressure, staves off depression, lengthens my life and keeps me out of mischief. All laudable. 

Some of you may know that I designed a new, if unmarketable - as yet - phenomenon, 'Pre-Atonement' whereby you build up a store of good works to compensate for the inevitable period spent in a foreign land feeding the pigs. (Biblical reference alert: The Prodigal Son). I have had another Cosmic Self-Help Brainwave: Anti-Practice.

Anti-Practice is astoundingly easy to perform, you need no guru, sandalwood or sitar, in fact you need no paraphernalia at. This is what you do. You close your eyes and pick a word, then you let your mind run away with it. 

For example, take the word, 'cake'. Immediately your subconscious will bring up every cake related memory you have. Let it, it's fun. If I turn up in one of those memories, I'm smiling. 

Doesn't have to be cake, of course.


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