Friday, 1 February 2013
I have often mused out loud that I am amazed at how, considering the mind-blowing complexity of the human brain, how ANYONE manages to give the impression of being sane. Note: I had to use, 'give the impression of', because I doubt the existence of such as thing as 'sanity' except in the abstract.
I have already lost my train of thought, so I might just recommend the website italicised above, and let you get on with it - BUT that wouldn't be my way. Besides, apart from a good place to begin this ramble across the playing fields of my consciousness, it wasn't a terribly good read.
I long ago gave up the drive for (or to) authenticity. I have a problem knowing how real I am to myself, so am not much concerned with how real other people think I am. I try, I really do. I mean, I don't set out to be 'Other than Who I Truly Am' so, on the whole, what you see is what you get. But but but... Who is, 'Who I Truly Am'. Damned if I know.
Vanessa hears voices. She is a friend of mine, who has a bloody tough life, and hears voices because she used to take drugs and has chemically blown her brains out. I am fascinated by Vanessa's voices, and don't waste any time telling her they're not real. She clearly distinguishes between herself and the others, so I advised her to be kind to herself and tell the others to sod off. And - for the record - keep taking the tablets.
I hear voices too. Except that 'hear' and 'voices' are short-cuts for impulses that I can't describe. There seems to be some sort of inner dialogue going on, that has always been present, that is me talking to me, or God, or somebody. So that's alright then.
I am becoming aware that I'm probably not entirely consistent in my approach to a personality, and this is the beginning of a more authentic selfhood. Please don't mistake me, I am still prepared to take full responsibility for what 'I am' is doing, but I may first have to decide which, 'I am' I AM.
There's the staid and sometimes serene sexagenarian grandmother at one end of the spectrum, and the...well, you know ... the opposite, at the other, and lots of shades of opinion in between.
Now I have completely lost my thread, and the writer is about to bow out to the sloven and curl up on the sofa and watch tv...
And that's perfectly OK with me. Whoever SHE is.
Oh! I want to add, that if whoever you are is getting you down, get real and try being someone else for the day!