Last night I was watching an awesomely violent programme on tv which featured both physical and psychological torture, yes it did, and I was enthralled ... I LOVED it. ("Blacklist" starring James Spader, for the record.) This may come as a surprise to some of you, who may have a certain picture of me from some of my other posts, but ... Well BUT.
Wishing to spare my husband the noise, it being late, and we being in bed (I'm enjoying my taste for violent law-enforcement on my ipad ...) I reached for headphones which were hopelessly entangled.
OK so it's late and I'm tired, and you know how it is, you put something with cables down for five minutes and it will tie itself in knots. Someone should study this, it's uncanny ... I wrestled with the entanglement for less than a minute before I began to swear. Not just little polite expletives, oh dear me no, but the full nine yards. Oh boy! Did I let go.
My teacher, Richard Rohr, invites the thought that how you are at your worst, is how you really are, and so it is.
I am not a good person. This won't come as news to anybody, though you might be a bit surprised that my viewing tastes don't run to gardening programmes and ETWN. I am however, a profoundly happy person.
A Roman Catholic who meditates on and off, mostly off, and studies the Dharma. Both of these streams are sources of joy, because both help me to know who I really am - a spiritual being having human experiences: joy and sorrow, praise and blame, fame and ill-repute, gain and loss, all in about equal measure over my lifetime, when all's said and done. This is how it is, and knowing this brings acceptance and peace. The universe isn't out to get me, quite the reverse, I'm out to get it, and I'm loving the ride!
I have just finished listening to a Dharma talk by Jack Kornfield in which he tells the story of a Zen master, who had a bit of a reputation for eccentricity, addressing a group of Bhuddists following a prolonged Mindfulness Retreat. He banged his stick on the floor and proclaimed, very loudly as Jack tells it:
"Mindfulness in NO GOOD! Ask, WHAT IS THIS? WHAT IS THIS??'
(Mindfulness IS good, by the way, but that's not the point.)
The Zen master was referring to life. What is this LIFE.
Sorry folks, I don't know the answer to that one. I do, however, invite you to the question.
Was there a point to the revelation about Blacklist and the outburst of obscenity? Yes, there was. I know what I'm like, I look upon myself with patience and compassion and as I do, I know what God is like too.
The challenge that this wonderful life offers to this particular spiritual being having human experiences, is to reveal the patience and compassion of God to others. Here goes ...